History for nostalgic for the USSR

History for nostalgic for the USSR

It was in the late seventies, when the yard was the era of universal happiness and full of euphoria, but nothing has been stores.

Well, like anything? But, nothing.

That is a huge cube of margarine and shortenings, of course, were without them. It was tomato juice in large flasks. Also prune juice. It was podsaharennyh water in the three-liter jar under the name "Birch juice". Were canned (very useful, they say), "Seaweed". And a lot of that was of the same useful and nutritious.

But just like that, to go to the store and buy something to eat - that it was not. Eat had to "get it".

I was a happy father of newly-born daughter and I turned out to be a little bit of free time. Three days a week. Therefore, when he saw on the door of our shop "Products" handwritten announcement "required porter," I went to the director and then the three days with her and agreed. Money is small - 70-80 rubles, but how money is measured at the end of the 70 well-being of the loader in the grocery store? Money was a pleasant small addition to the products.

And I must say that in Sverdlovsk not that in the late '70s, it srodu meat was not stores. Bone was some miracle, called "soup set," and get it considered an extraordinary success, but so that the right meat - such never. Sister I brought home from his trips to Moscow. Plane. Over 2000 kilometers. Very comfortably.

Milk - there was a time - were given to pregnant women and children up to 8 years for coupons. And hold him all I had five hours of the morning, because the store opened at 8, and imported milk is very small, so it could come to an end, despite the pass. So I have a couple of times was, right in front of me again - and milk is over. It's a shame the way. I even swore. Loud. And sometimes instead of milk imported atsedofilin. Lovely nutritious food, but for the two year old little fit. A "dairy products" was written on the card, so do not be quarreling. Chicken here too "thrown." I mean, they sold, but to call it "thrown away". Blue, wrinkled, with remnants of feathers, defenseless scallops on a parchment-covered skin of the head, with sad eyes closed forever. Especially sad look claws on the legs. Of the legs could cook jelly, and the head had to be disposed forever. Chilling picture. From the series "... and I cry."

In general, life was held in the argument where to get something to eat. In these years, as I think he was born the famous paradox: "In the shops there is nothing, and refrigerators in homes crammed to the eyeballs." Naturally. Attacked sausage - you take a "stick" to two kilograms and keep it up to greening. Oil found - just half a kilogram - and in the freezer. And so on. So it really was all in the refrigerator. Especially when you consider that fridges were then not at all for what are in homes today, so that their score was not so difficult.

This preamble is for those who remember those years of my mother's sandwiches and cartoons about Winnie-the-Pooh. Those who were at that time a parent is without me remembers because it is not forgotten.

So, one (this is not a stamp!) Day, I, an intelligent boy from a good Jewish family, come to the shop "Products", located in the Southwest region of Sverdlovsk, in the area st. Belorechenskaya - lane. A counter (it is to make it clear that I did not come to the central deli), change into a classic blue satin robe and starts the difficult but honorable duty loader.

So the first task: "Go-ka you chop meat!". I thought I had misheard, and asked: "What ?!"

- Meat, say, chop. Who will come out of the sanitary and epidemiological stations and fire departments, it is necessary to prepare them myastsa.

I go I in the refrigerator (a refrigerator in the store is not "Saratov" and "Biryusa" This whole room is very cold), and goes to heaven. On the walls, swaying in the freezing fog hanging meat carcasses. If anyone remembers the first "Rocky" - a butcher's shop, where the Italian Stallion trained - this is about the same. In the middle stands a huge wooden scaffold with an ax stuck in it. Though now Emelka Pugacheva input. So, we must slippery ice the heavy carcass to remove the hook, put it on the chopping block, fix the left hand, so as not to crawl, and right valiantly to raise the ax and swung to hit the portion piece. And do all this will professorial son with higher philological education.

And what do you dumaeet? I ripped it. However, the number of stroganina strewn floor of the refrigerator, do not be identifiable as the number of bone chips. But what's left, I proudly wrapped in newspaper and personally took the director, fully made-up lady in a white coat and mink round hat, forever nahlobuchennoy to permanent. She did not even looked at, not to say:

- And for the excellent work done, dear, I have rewarded you here this appetizing calf thigh.

Horseradish there.

Generally, getting any employees of the delicacies that were in the peripheral zachuhannoy shop, is extremely small. Despite the fact that the shelves in the warehouse have been hammered yellow millstones Poshehonsky, Russian and other Kostroma cheese, horseradish that you could take out, not to mention the fact, to make a sale.

If the citizens of the USSR have at least a rough idea of ​​abundance that prevailed in the provincial store! And about the unsanitary conditions that prevailed in the back if they had known, they would not buy oil in life, for example. To cut an ice cube sweaty oil 30 kilogram, called me, and I, resting his hand, which just did Neznamov that, in the cube, the other cut him to pieces with steel wire, which lay where Neznamov.

But the people to this day remembers the delicious oil that was once.

And how lovely the importation of sour cream! Oh, you do not know what is the import of sour cream! When I was shooting with a hefty truck jar with cream and milk, then to me lined up with all the saleswoman brought from home jars. In some jars poured fresh snow-white cream, or rather not poured, and superimposed, because she was present - as they say, can be cut with a knife. But sellers were many. And the porters were two per shift. And freight forwarders. And the leadership - the director, the deputy accountant. And also very close, such as, dentists. In short, about twenty minutes from the flask 52 liters remained well if two-thirds.

But it can own Newtons and other quick-minded, you can!

Indeed, after the same gang hits the milk brought and picked off the most delicious - top cream fat thick milk, and the milk was somewhere two-thirds.

Then the milk is filled in the sour cream, milk and water was added. Or the remnants of yesterday, if that happened. Trust me it all mix thoroughly until smooth - and only then put up for sale.

And to this day the people of recalls dairy products that were once.

While theft is (and what it was stealing, all knew) was carried out gently, because this operation is happening every day, and take a little. But straight from the tin. I remember how I once got in the head, pulling out "in the room" fresh, just had brought a jar of cream, while the refrigerator was still a third of yesterday's one-piece!

Soup sets me graciously allowed to take. Saleswoman even helped themselves to choose one where the bones would have been more meat. Buyers disassembled in minutes, because the rumor that the store "thrown" soup sets, scatter with SMS sending mobile speed.

But the apotheosis was the story of tangerines.

In our store unimportant brought 35 tons of tangerine. I will repeat. 35 tons. Before New Year. For sale to veterans and invalids "BOB". Only. But 35 tons. If we consider that our store has been attached somewhere 70-100 veterans and the disabled (it was in the late '70s, remember, veterans were almost fifty - some sixty, and it was a lot of them), then the simplest counting turned that a veteran had three and a half quintals of tangerines. This is the question of a planned economy. For our part, I want to emphasize that the mandarins brought in boxes of 12 kg. And the trucks unloaded I am one. Pancake. I still remember.

Director of the flatly forbidden to let mandarins on sale - before the New Year is the currency of tangerines. And for greater secrecy banned and store employees to take home tangerines. No way.

A fool she was in her mink hat, because bad imagine what 35 tons. Boxes with orange balls were scored all, all the stores, all the utility room, but they still will not fit, so the hall was packed to the ceiling these boxes. Concentrated citrus flavor gave the director his head, because he felt long before the approach to the "Products" humble gray building with a neon sign inviting.

A few days later, when the scent became unbearable, the director has given the go-ahead. Two days a steady stream through the anus store were workers: police, fire, sanitary epidemic station, rayzdrav, pediatricians, dentists, strange people, not strange people, well-dressed people unrecognizable professions, class teachers children familiar director familiar headteachers children acquaintances Director , dentists familiar acquaintances headteachers children knew the director and other close relatives. They all left the newspaper opaque packages in which discernible outlines cherished exotic Mandarin.

Thus it was distributed, sold, given away ... somewhere 12 tons according to my calculations.

There are still 20 tons ...

Then we were instructed to send mandarins on sale veterans and disabled people who, in fact, they have been designed, with the restriction of 5 kg in one hand. Another half a ton ...

store employees took 5 kg. Another hundred-kilo one hundred and fifty ...

In the sale of ordinary citizens? Horseradish! A couple of days before New Year's scent turned into a stench. Tangerines - perishable goods. Of orange, they were turned into white, then to green, hairy, disgusting and slimy balls. Especially ripe burst and the juice ran down my feet, that it was very successful, considering that this corridor I hauled boxes, jars, cans and other cubes oil, trying to balance on this greenish muck that covered the floor shop has almost not to the ankle. Wash it was useless, because the next day the new mandarins rot, giving gentle juice my boots. 20 tons of choice became orange citrus 20 tons of green rot.

The director decided and ordered to send these mandarins on sale ... This is not 3 rubles 50 kopecks, as fresh and funny balls, and 35 kopecks per kg as substandard goods. This is euphemistically termed "on compote."

20 tons scattered in half a day.

I still can not understand the hell they had to keep when all the right people have your received? Why was it necessary to spoil?

Single story - how to make money in an ordinary grocery store.

Let me remind you that while alcohol was sold from 11 am. And since 8 am, with the opening, to the Department of juice-water long queues of citizens with bluish faces and trembling hands. Each of them drank a glass of juice, eating candy, and fun turning rosy walked to work - in the factory, on the construction site or somewhere else.

"Miraculous juice" - I thought naive, until he discovered that Zoya, who worked in the department of juices, water, keeps under the counter a bottle of brandy. Semirublevy cognac, dispensed in the morning and costs three rubles per hundred grams, worked wonders! Candy wide Zoyka soul gave as an appetizer for free.

Why cognac? And because of the color. Very similar to grape juice. It also trades in vodka, but secretly and very proven customers, that have not passed. And it is not "on tap". The poorest and most miserable, who had no money, pours a glass of "Algerian dry" for 80 cents (it was worth five rubles per half-liter). In general, Zoya lived cheerfully and sincerely believed that all these manipulations - fair reward for hard work and low wages.

In general, the saleswoman - a separate song. Strong impression on me made them talk when sitting down to eat at lunchtime (monsters like me can still remember times when I was a lunch break in the shops: in food from 13 to 14, in the industry - from 14 to 15). Sliced ​​cheese, sausage, I drove over some bread fresh in the nearest bakery (I later there at night to unload the bread), undertook other delicacies - of course, free of charge, to lay the table, fuming kettle, and lunch hour passed in a leisurely philosophical conversations.

- That would be such a try! - exclaimed saleswoman sausage department, brandishing a stick liverwurst, really resembled ud onager. - A girl ?!

And the girls leaping laughing. Sexual relations were generally the most inexhaustible topic for jokes.

They fervently hated by customers because they prevent them from working. Forever climb, are somehow an endless stream, they always something must, pick and more.

And so then what would not work? There, across the street, in the beer kiosk, in the rare moments when there were imported beer saleswoman leaning out and openly asked immediately lined, winding spiral turn:

- Dilution or topped up?

And the men shouted in unison:

- Do not fill up!

One of them explained to me naive:

- Who should diluted hunting something to drink? Better less, but better. And everyone benefits.

Now, when I read the profound statements were born in the 80's about how all was well in the USSR, I was not just funny. I Homeric funny. Funny to read about the sausage "from the real meat", which from birth was not. About the relationship between people. About respect for the profession. In general, about all the things that were not, and about what they had heard from someone tales. And when they start moaning, wringing her eyes to heaven, about the current decline of morals, in front of me like a living Tamara gets up in a soiled white coat taut on a bright red woolen jacket, in a starched cap, holding a plump hand stick liverwurst reminiscent sami- know-what, knee-deep in slush and tangerine thick sour cream, symbolizing an abundance of advanced socialism, damn it.